Awkward Conversations
by anakinlove
Summary: But Batman, what if Clayface was my pants?


It was a slow day in Gotham. Batman hated slow days. Slow days were terrible. Robin was lounging up against the side of the Batmobile, eyes glazed over in boredom.

"Hey Batman", Robin asked, "what time is it?" Batman looked down at the batwatch.

"About two thirty, why?"

"'Cause that means it's happy hour at Sonic and I want a slushie."

"We're on patrol Robin, we're looking for Clayface remember, we don't have time for a slushie."

"Yea, but I'm board, couldn't we just pretend someone was holding up the Sonic and go over there just to check. Even crooks have to drink right?" Batman was silent for a moment, but Robin saw him turn the wheel to go a little ways east. "Yes", he said, "Thank's man."

"You're buying", Batman replied.

"Fine", said Robin, "considering the fact its your money anyway from my allowance."

"You need a job", said Batman.

"I'm rich", said Robin, "I have your money, you don't have a job."

"Still", said Batman, "it is _my_ money." Robin rolled his eyes and leaned against the door again. As much as he detested naps and hated it when Batman took them, it was that kind of day, with the warm sun covering him like a blanket.

He was just dozing off when a strange thought came to him. It was such an odd thought, he felt he had to voice it. "Hey Batman", he said.

"What", Batman asked as he was pulling into the drive in order station.

"Well, think about it, if Clayface wanted to kill us, it would be so easy for him to impersonate a slushie, get inside out bodies, and rip us up into little bits. I wonder if he can taste like cherry?" Their drinks came. Batman cautiously poked his slushie with his straw. Robin did the same.

"Is there a problem sir?" the girl on skates questioned.

"No", said Robin, "we're just trying to make sure this thing really is a slushie and not an imposter." The girl gave them a strange look.

"Whatever", she said. "Here's your mints, but you might not want to eat them, they could be imposters too."

Batman scowled at her. "This is no laughing matter ma'am", he said, "how would you like it if a being invaded your body and bored holes through your stomach to reunite with the rest of his parts." The girl gave them a bewildered and frightened look and said,

"I knew I should have gone to college and not worked at this dump." Robin sipped his slurpie and shrugged. Batman drove away. Robin quietly sipped for a moment and then gave a disgusted look.

"What is it?" Batman asked.

"He could be my pants", Robin replied, looking horrified at Batman. Batman looked back at him, the whole truth coming to him suddenly. "If he was gay", Robin said, "he could be doing some bad things down there and I wouldn't even know it until it was too late. Ohh God, he could be my boxers right now." Robin absentmindedly tugged at his tights. Batman gave him a strange look.

"You still wear boxers?" he asked. Robin looked back at him.

"Umm, yea, why you don't?"

"Well, Its just think that you know, briefs offer more security and in our line of work…"

"Yea well, I prefer the freedom, thank you very much."

"You're wearing spandex, you gave up that freedom long ago."

"This is getting kind of awkward, we should stop this conversation now."

"Agreed."

"You two are so gross, they heard a disembodied voice say, you actually think I would do that stuff." Batman and Robin looked at each other panicked and leapt out of the car, tugging at their tights.

"Ohh, I'm not there", the voice said again, and Clayface suddenly disconnected himself from the gearshift. "How could you even think that about me Robin, I may be totally evil, but I'm still a respectable citizen, I understand boundaries."

"I'm sorry, man", Robin said, "but you know, with your powers and all, we have to be wary."

"You know what", said Clayface, "I am appalled at both of you for thinking such a thing about me. I'm going down that drain and I'm not coming out until you apologize." Clayface slithered down the drain and Batman and Robin warily got back into the Batmobile. Batman put the car into drive and started to speed down the road.

"I still wouldn't put it past him", Robin said. Batman shook his head.

"Me neither", he replied, "I'm gona start checking my stuff."

"Me too", said Robin, and leaned back up against the car door. He closed his eyes. Then, another thought wormed its way into his head, so disturbing he had to voice it yet again. "What if Atom was in my pants?"


End file.
